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What's wrong with dog shit? Or sour cream? Granted, lube is the safest, but it's not as fun as the Cactus condom I made money when I was 14, and used on my next door neighbor. But fuck money that shit; cactus is a product of the past. We're talking about the real deal these days. Sand paper condoms. Razor wire condoms. HIV condoms. Come to think about it, in my dreams, I don't use money condoms. I had this one dream, I was sitting down with a hermaphrodite that had a vagina growing on its lower back, and I fucked the shit out of it. I also had another dream where I stabbed a hole with a knife into a 60 year old mans thigh, and started fucking that, too. I fuck dirty diapers. A lot of people out there reading this probably won't have a fucking clue what this is all about. Newsflash: neither do I. All I hope is that God forgives me for my sins.
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