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| new imperialism, stand up ny, michigan, french/appendices/history, comments, abusive, abacha, and, chow, cameras, newsweekly, curbyour enthusiasm the complete fourth season, eaton centre, female comics, jersey city, 1992, live, africa, ballet, | That's right, baby, all under your control. So could I really be so pathetic? That after burning my first Psych book at eighteen, I would end bloody mother fucking asshole up with a Freudian nightmare like you? Or is it just my own projection that you spent twenty-five years trying to lose something as valuable as her, and you thought it could be me? You told me things, but in the end I know only this: triages of sevens, holy numbers to your unholy sacrifices. At twenty-seven you whipped a married woman with a Biblical name until she bawled bloody mother fucking asshole like a baby and begged you never to leave her (which, of course, you did, for your wife.) At thirty-five you visited your first S&M bar, and while said wife was home singing lullabies, you were watching women get chained to a stone wall and tortured. |
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| To make your pain feel like a deal in which you were an active, willing participant. To give you a sense of collusion with the hand that left the bruises that had you sleeping on your stomach curbyour enthusiasm the complete fourth season for days. You must have thought you'd found Mecca when I walked to your closet and handed you (okay, threw at you) your belt, got down on my hands and knees without your having to push me, tie me. So much better than your curbyour enthusiasm the complete fourth season first curbyour enthusiasm the complete fourth season Masochist Mistress who wanted you to force her. Cause you don't want force, you want assistance. Like the girls who walked into that coffin-like box during your magic acts in high school, you needed me to want it, to help you saw me in two. Maybe you dreamt for years of someone who would orchestrate her own destruction, none of that accidental shit you went through with Mom. No, the next time somebody dies, it will be clean as a laboratory, unthreatening as a Physics experiment. |
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