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| tattoo, scams, jay chou, ha ha, funny, south african, crime, paul sorvino, catherine scorsese, discuss, nigerians, political, | I promise never to lie to you purely to make you feel good about yourself for the next fifteen minutes, only to increase your neurotic dependence on my faking of reality just so you can avoid doing a single fucking jumping jack. I swear that if your mother ever, and I mean ever, complains about the way I treat you, how much money I make, or why I don't go to church, I will say something that makes her turn red, collapse, mother fucking asshole or run for her fucking life. I swear that mother fucking asshole I will never let you talk me into mother fucking asshole naming our kids anything that will get them torn a new asshole during recess. I promise to have a life outside of you, work late, hang out with other women, watch football on Sundays, drink too much, and yes, occasionally express my true feelings about how fucking boring it is to shop for duvet covers three weekends in a row when frankly, I don't give a shit what color the flowers are on that French blanket piece of shit when all I really want to do is throw you down on top of it and fuck your fucking brains out. |
Best Mature Paysites
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| Go back to: home stupidity tips for living Page 1 Rational Marriage Vows for Men by Jason Roth I swear that I will never use you as a crutch to evade the effort of getting a fucking life or maintaining a sense of political my own self-esteem. I promise to share in the household chores, as long as you promise to vacuum topless once in a while and let me interrupt the cleaning of the bathroom floor to bend you political over the goddamn couch. I swear never to tell you that political you look fat in that dress, unless you ask me if you look fat in that dress, and you do, in fact, look fat in that dress. I promise, if we ever decide to have children, that I will keep them at least fifty feet away from any church, and never dress myself up like a big, fat bastard in a red suit and attempt to demolish their entire conception of time and space. I promise to love and to cherish you, so long as you remain physically able to fit through a normal sized doorway. I promise to fuck you no fewer than three times per week for the rest of your life, and never to give you any "Sorry, honey, I'm tired" bullshit when what I really mean is "Why don't you just give me a blowjob tonight?" |
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