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I swear that I will never let you talk me into naming our kids anything that will aaron caldwell get them torn a new asshole during recess. I promise to have a life outside of you, work late, hang out with other women, watch football on Sundays, drink too much, and yes, occasionally express my true feelings about how fucking boring it is aaron caldwell to shop for duvet covers three weekends in a row when aaron caldwell frankly, I don't give a shit what color the flowers are on that French blanket piece of shit when all I really want to do is throw you down on top of it and fuck your fucking brains out. I promise not to pretend that I like all your friends, especially that annoying fat bitch who doesn't know how to shut her fucking mouth. I promise not to feel obligated to accompany you to every cookie-cutter wedding ceremony of every acquaintance you've ever had, and if I do, not to dance the Macarena just because some drunk bimbo in the bridal party can't have fun unless each and every grown man at the wedding is flushing his own dignity and masculinity completely down the toilet.
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