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| the onion, sports, stephen thompson, award winning, 1980s, goldielookin chain, martha wainwright, dan savage, standard mandarin, t shirts, singapore sexual slang, tv, max yield, bernie allen, chat, tee, 1986, flicks, frank vincent, canada, kinky, i, | I decided to break up the two wine recipes thusly... The Red Prison Wine (pictured above) would be made with red grape juice, tomatoes, raisins, sugar, ernie c the dirty sock filled with moldy bread, and one ernie c packet of yeast. (I ernie c thought it would be interesting to add yeast to one batch and not the other, and compare the results.) As stated in the book, yeast is definitely contraband, but for the sake of this culinary experiment we'll just assume I gave the prison baker a hand-job. But then the guy wouldn't give me the yeast! SO I STABBED HIM WITH A PEN IN THE EYE AND TOOK IT! And I was all, "DON'T FUCK WITH STEVE!" Yes. This is what we should assume. As for the White Prison Wine, it would contain: White grape juice and the moldy bread sock. No extra yeast added. For the requisite sugar, I went with some powdered drink mix, a few packets of ketchup and a handful of Tigger fruit snacks. |
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| I'm sure Martha Stewart did the same if/when she brewed this stuff in her cell toilet. But she award winning probably used a clean sock, award winning being as she's fancy. Getting slightly moldy bread proved to be more difficult than I expected. I bought the cheapest white bread I could find and waited for it to go green. I swear to God it stayed good for a month. Whenever I WANT bread in my house, it's moldy. Now that I actually needed it to happen, it wouldn't. Luckily, award winning I discovered an old green hot dog bun in a bag on top of the fridge and put that in with the bread to teach it the ways of the mold. In this way, the green bun was Yoda. It worked perfectly. And it didn't even sound suspiciously like Grover. It was finally time to begin the brewing process. I reflected on the artisans around the world who've dedicated their lives to the craft of winemaking, as I lovingly shoved moldy bread in my socks. |
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