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| robert b. weide, concerts, margo winkler, tech, song dynasty, sell, rock star, showtimes, watch my life, style, sales, kill your mother, uruguayanspanish, canadian content, french/appendices/nations of the world, jin ping mei, lease, tourism, connections, restaurants, girls, georgia strait movie listings, tom green, | IT. But I didn't know any of this yet. All I knew was that I had walked in and found my mother screaming about salmon. And I was afraid. But she pointed at me, and and the following occurred: Mom: WHERE IS THE SALMON. Self: and I don't...know? Salmon? Mom: FIND. THE FUCKING. SALMON. Self: Right. Where, um...where might it be? Mom: IT COULD BE ANYWHERE. THE STREET. OR THE YARD. Self: The salmon may and be in the...yard. Mom: OR IT COULD BE IN THE CLOSET. Self: Why in the HELL would the salmon be in the closet? Mom: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. Self: But I just GOT here! Mom: FIND! THE! FUCKING! SALMON! Self: OKAY! FINE. |
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| But still: no Bo. So she COMPLETELY showtimes freaks out, runs back to the house to call me on my phone to tell me that DOG IS FREE, REPEAT, DOG IS FREE, and she runs into the kitchen, and immediately showtimes trips over Bo, who had been chilling out in his dog bed THE ENTIRE TIME. And it was about then that she realized that she'd lost the salmon. She had HAD the salmon when she started looking. Now, no salmon. Where did salmon showtimes go? This was the big question. And then I had walked in. NICE TIMING, SELF! And so there we were, my poor, winded mother, staring crazy and BLAMING ME with every ounce of blame in her body (and again, Southern woman, so lots of that, too), and thinking WHY did she have to have a FIRST child, when she EASILY could have just skipped onto the SECOND, and the SECOND child has NEVER ONCE descended upon the household with FOUR FUCKING DOGS, and maybe she should just REWRITE THE WILL, NOW THAT SHE IS THINKING ABOUT |
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