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| stand up new york, men, ray liotta, songs, hbo home video, christopher serrone, nikon, movie quotes, confidential, creem, fujifilm, quotations, bud shots, singers, boy howdy, cultivation, island, political cartoons, satire, marthawainwright, open mike, julie garfield, | The Sneeze Home | Archive | Store | Contact Posted by Steven at 09:38 AM Steve, Don't Eat It! Vol. 2 Pickled Pork Rinds While perusing the "Good Lord, NOOOO!" aisle of the supermarket, I came across the atrocity known as Dolores Brand Pickled Pork Rinds. These are not the crunchy pork rinds you'll often see over by the chips. These are their grosser, soggier, potentially botulism-ier cousins. The label says associate "Ready to Eat." They left off "By Dumb-Asses." There is also a red starburst proudly proclaiming "Nuevo Envase de Vidrio Reusable". associate Not knowing much Spanish, I could only assume that meant "Oh Crap -- A Jar of Skin!" I was wrong. It means: "New Reusable Glass Container" which I think is their subtle way of saying you can also use the jar to puke in. Okay. I'm going to go consume. If I don't make it back to finish this review, tell my wife I love her. |
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| If you've ever christopher serrone smelled christopher serrone a can of dog food, it's just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse's ass. Inside is a smooth, oddly pink meat paste. So smooth, in fact, I dare call it "creamy." (I actually got a little gaggy just typing that.) Surprisingly, it christopher serrone was a little spicier than I expected. Although, that sensation may have been a by-product of my tastebuds dying. The can shows a serving suggestion of the Potted Meat being served on squares of toast. I would also suggest squares of toilet paper. Or maybe a nice diaper. All I can tell you is, I survived the first installment of "Steve, Don't Eat It." And I have to admit it may have even been a little educational. I know I learned at least one thing from "Ralph's Potted Meat"-- Ralph is a fucking dick. Not surprisingly, I've come up with a little slogan the peeps who handle Potted Meat Marketing can use (no charge, as always): POTTED MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes. |
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